Last year was probably the hardest of my life. And it really challenged everything I had in me. It also challenged my outlook on life and what I wanted.
We had a house move, there was an illness in the family and the death. The children were being difficult. They were having trouble at school and one of my boys was being bullied, which brought back childhood memories for me and I started to fear that he would have the same emotional problems and food problems that I have suffered from.
This all put a strain on me emotionally. My body started suffer more than it had done. Even I had unhealthy habits, I was keeping them in check, just. But this unleashed hell on me.
As the weight piled on and my happiness correspondingly left me, I knew I had to do something about it. I can be incredibly strong willed and I knew that it was time to choose cardio over the couch.
With the full support my husband, I set out on a journey. I looked for a weight loss professional, a physical fitness trainer who could help me to complete that journey.
But I also had to start their journey myself emotionally before I felt I could pay money to get some be asked to help me.
So I went on that journey by obsessively researching and starting to investigate all types of exercise, diet and nutrition.
During this time work was tough and there was an emotional strain between me and my husband, but he was still supportive and I stuck at it.
I have transformed my emotional outlook towards food and stop the laziness. It was far too easy to get home from work and tell myself I have had a hard day and I deserve a treat. Grabbing for a bag of Doritos and a film once the kids were out of the way.
Now I treat myself by going to the gym and I make sure I book regular sessions with my personal trainer so that I am fully committed to the path I'm on.
One of the other struggle had which was not expected was a feeling of vanity.
When I look in the mirror now and see a better shape to my body, and I feel better about myself, but I wonder if that's how we should be?
My vanity has increased as my health and fitness has increased. But then as my happiness has increased and my approach to life has got better, which has made everyone around me happy because I more pleasant to be around, I think the trade-off is worth it.
This is a very personal journey for me, and I find it really useful to write this all out. I'm a bit concerned that people find it weird reading it, but you don't know me so it doesn't really matter.
But I hope somebody find what I'm writing useful and I hope that if it inspires just one person to make a positive lifestyle change and improve their health and fitness then this time and effort has been worth it.